Lessons Learned, Uncategorized

New Year’s Resolutions You Shouldn’t Make

I’ve really been enjoying my Christmas holidays and break. Lounging around the house in my pajamas until 10:30 each day, has allowed me to ponder the resolutions I plan to make this year. I’ve not been able to narrow the list down to a good three or four, but I have weeded out several resolutions I will NOT make. I thought this list might be helpful for you as well.

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES RESOLVE TO:

Let the neighbor kid convince your kid to shoot them as target practice with their new airsoft gun they just got for Christmas.  It doesn’t hurt, really!

Clean out the pet guinea pig cage…with the guinea pig still in it….with two hungry dogs looking on…without making plans to purchase a new pet guinea pig.

Stop sneaking in your sister’s medicine cabinet to “borrow” the drugs left over from her surgery.

Discover the only pair of slacks you can fit into are dirty and you’re out of laundry detergent so you wash them in the dishwasher.  Just wear a skirt with elastic.

Let your teenage nephew choose the movie for Family Movie Night.  Note: Unrated means really bad.

Allow your daughter to show every family member how to get on Facebook. (That’s not exactly what you meant by having more “family time”.)

Promise friends and relatives Next year I’ll send out Christmas cards. You didn’t keep that promise this year.

Allow your husband to save a few bucks on Universal tickets by buying “discount” tickets from a girl, named Svetlana, at the Orlando Walgreens.

Say you’re going to get in shape by having “Two a days” just like the high school football team.  And have your son ask each and every day, “How are those two a days going for ya?”

Agree to get the Words with Friends  app when asked by a very competitive friend. It’s possible your behavior could make Alec Baldwin blush.

Use chocolate cupcakes to bribe a group of your son’s friends to read and give positive feedback on an excerpt of the book you’re writing. Gushers work much better and take less time.

Get more Omega 3 in your diet by eating Swedish Fish.

Feel free to share the resolutions you plan to not make.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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