Marriage Mint, Recipes, Uncategorized

The Number One Problem in Relationships

Well, that’s that. All My Children’s last episode. Instead of a “who shot JR” ending it was a “who did JR shoot” ending. Perfect!

While I loved the show and appreciated the way AMC made my treadmill routines bearable, I am happy to say that I did not watch AMC for marriage and parenting advice.

For that I turned to General Hospital.

Just kidding. 🙂

One of the best lessons I learned about relationships came from one of my graduate family courses. I can sum up the lesson this way – the number one problem in relationships is expectations don’t match reality.

Think about it. The last time you were really angry with a significant person in your life you were probably expecting them to behave one way and you got something different.

I’ll give you an example, early in my marriage I expected my
husband to pick up after himself. Unfortunately, that was not my reality.

Now my expectation is that his Diet Coke will be sitting on the end table long after the last sip, his socks and shoes will be resting right in front of the recliner, and his wet towel will be laying on the bathroom floor. Now my expectation does match reality. See how it works?

Let’s not say I lowered my expectations…let’s say I altered my expectations.

Sometimes it works the other way. For instance my husband exceeded my expectations the other day.

One side of my kitchen sink was clogged. It is possible that I got lazy and started pouring grease down the drain instead of disposing of it properly. (I’m not saying that that is what happened; I’m just saying that it is possible.)

After three days of trying the drano/liquid plumber combo, the sink was still clogged.  I expected my husband to call the human plumber.

He didn’t.

But then he surprised me…he took apart a coat hanger, stuck it down the drain and voila!, no more clog.

Sometimes we get lucky and things balance out.

I was so thrilled that my sink was no longer clogged that I did my happy dance all throughout the family room. (Sadly, it doesn’t take much to excite me.)

Then I tripped on his shoes… left right in front of the recliner.

I am pondering lowering my expectations.

These banana nut muffins from Tyler Florence will exceed all of your expectations. I make them often and they are yummy and seem healthy – they’ve got bananas in them.

The recipe is below, but I’ll also give the link.

Tyler Florence’s Banana Nut Muffins

Tyler Florence's Banana Nut Muffins

Ingredients: 2 cups of all purpose flour, 1 1/2 teasponns of baking soda, 1/2 teaspoon of salt, 4 overripe bananas, 1 cup of brown sugar, 3/4 cups of melted and cooled butter, 2 eggs, 1 teaspoon of vanilla, and 1/2 cup of chopped pecans.

Mash the bananas, then add the brown sugar and mix. Mix in melted butter, eggs, and vanilla. Sift together the flour, baking soda, and salt.  Mix dry ingredients with wet ingredients. Stir in pecans. Bake in lightly buttered or sprayed muffin tins. (I like to use the large sized ones.) Bake for  18-20 at 375 degrees.


6 thoughts on “The Number One Problem in Relationships”

  1. I just stumbled upon your blog via the comment section for the new “follow me” button. I like your post but don’t agree with the analysis. I’ve been over-the-moon in love with my husband for over 40 years (married 33) and I would humbly suggest that the number one problem that marriages face is selfishness. Think about it. What is at the root of adultery, abuse, lying, neglect, abandonment, or betrayal? To truly be the most important someone in another person’s life is about as close to heaven as we’re ever going to get on earth. I wish you all the best with your blog.

  2. I just happened to stumble across your blog, and find it hysterical! I really hadn’t thought about lowering my expectations. What a concept!
    Now that I expect my husbands shoes to be in front of the recliner, I doubt I’ll trip over them nearly as often! I’ll remember that they are “in their place!”
    Thanks for the perspective lesson!

    1. Welcome, Sandi! I am so glad you are here. When you have time, you might want to go back and read my very first post, A Year of Change: Taking Risks and Eating Triple Chocolate Cupcakes (August Archives) and An Affair or Two To Remember (September Archives). Some think those are my best work. :>)

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